Is it just me or has this winter been feeling realllllllllllllly long? We have spent far too much time indoors cooped up and I have to say that it has been getting me down. After several days of far too many tears, som good heart to hearts with my man, I have to say that I am either actually depressed or suffering from some severe winter blahs that I need to do something about.
Around Christmas time I ordered myself a book online called, “One Thousand Gifts” written by Ann Voskamp. She is also this
woman. In the beginning of the book she tells about a nightmare she had in which she was told she had terminal cancer. She wakes from the dream in a complete panic thinking to herself, “I need more time!” But then the thought comes to her..more time for what? More time to complain about my day to day life? chores? children? homeschooling? the very things she spent most of her life wanting and then being ungrateful for them on a daily basis. I may as well have written this book it’s so similar to my life. The passage that has been a knife to my heart reads,
“Ultimately, in his essence, Satan is an ingrate. And he sinks his venom into the heart of Eden. Satan’s sin becomes the first sin of all humanity: the sin of ingratitude. Adam and Eve are, simply, painfully, ungrateful for what God gave. Isn’t that the catalyst of all my sins? Our fall was, has always been, and always will be, that we aren’t satisfied in God and what He gives. We hunger for something more, something other.”
The sin of ingratitude! I don’t know that I have ever even confessed ungratefulness in a confessional! Call me crazy, but this blew my mind. What I couldn’t believe was just how true this felt in my heart, how it mirrors the way I have felt in my mind and attitude towards my family and my life. God is seriously changing me one page at a time. I promise if you read this, you will not be sorry. You can get it here
With my heart finding new courage, I am trying to be more mindful of the amazing things I have to be grateful for each day. Small things that seem trivial at times. Hot oatmeal, newly knitted socks from my mama, a very cuddly Abigail in the mornings, the sun reflecting off the snow and beaming into our living room.
Winter is not an easy time for a lot of people. I’ve wondered if perhaps I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. I’m trying hard to fight these winter blues and so the last two days I have actually gone outside for about a half hour, done a DVD workout, and started a new knitting project. I’ve been meaning to tell you all but guess what? I can knit! I have wanted to learn for many years. I did learn how to crochet while on NET many years ago, but I couldn’t remember how to do it. My mum came over and spent some time teaching me about a month ago and slowly every night row by row, I knit my man a scarf! I am extremely happy about this newly found creative fun! So much in fact that I started a scarf for myself last night.
People have always told me that they find knitting relaxing. I always thought they were lying, especially the first few rows that I knit. But, now that my hands are becoming comfortable with the movements, I’m finding it to be true! I really, really enjoy knitting and I hope that I can be patient with myself long enough to really get into it and try a few patterns.
With Abigail being almost one and me being so down lately, I have decided that it is time to wean her. My lovely girl would nurse happily until she is five i’m sure of it, but this body of mine is feeling very worn from being pregnant and nursing for some much of these past three years. I know many people think that nursing for nearly an entire year is something to be proud of, but I can’t help but feel guilty since I am the one who is so in need of stopping. I just need to convince Abigail that cuddling with mama is just as good as nursing. We are trying to keep busy this week as I know it will help her to get past it and also helps me believe that Spring will be here soon enough and just as the Winter
snow will melt away, so will my blues. Here’s to February, friends! How are you staying warm and cheerful?