Lent is late coming this year. Each year as we go through Lent, I become aware that Spring is coming, Easter is coming, Christ will rise and I am given new hope. Winter has been difficult for me this year
. Being in our apartment, which is dark most of the day and weaning Abigail from the breast put me on an emotional rollercoaster. March is here and I am so very very ready for Lent to come. To count the days. For new hope to fill my heart that Spring will come, the flowers will bloom, everything will be okay, winter is not forever. All of that being said, I have something very exciting to share.
Ben and I have been approved for a mortgage and we are about to begin the search for our family home. We have waited
and prayed long and hard for this time to come and we are so very humbled and grateful that God has deemed this Spring the time for us. We have dreams of a vegetable garden, of a backyard big enough for our children to run around and play in, of a home where we can grow as a family and add to our family. We have so many dreams for our family home and yet there is this anxiety that I feel over the entire thing. I honestly feel like throwing up. I am so grateful but so anxious and filled with worry, “will we find what we need? is there something out there in our price range? if we find the perfect house will we buy in time before someone else puts in an offer? how will we afford to move our furniture?” and on and on it goes.
In searching online for a home, we looked at several semi-detached homes thinking that those were all we could realistically afford until we came upon a house that stopped us dead in our tracks. It is detached. The backyard is fenced in. The backyard is quite big with a patio and room for a little garden. There are 4 bedrooms. There are 2 bathrooms. There is a breakfast nook AND a dining room. There is a little side room between the kitchen and living room that could serve as a little play room. It is 2600 square feet. It. Is. Adorable. We made an appointment to go and look at it Wednesday (tomorrow) morning at 10 am. Then last night while looking at the pictures (we just can’t stop!) I asked my husband if he would google to see how far away we would be from a Catholic church. He did. The address of the house 1697…the address of the church is 1714..of the SAME STREET! Jesus in the Eucharist, in the tabernacle, in daily mass would be about 150 feet from my front door. We could see the church from our house. I burst into tears. God, are you kidding me?
God will never be outdone in generosity. The more we give, the more He gives. The more we bless, the more He blesses. And I feel so unworthy of the weight of the blessings He gives. I struggle with this hugely. To let God not only love me, but spoil me like the daughter that I am to Him. Why does it surprise me when he does these things? I really shouldn’t be so shocked, I really shouldn’t doubt His goodness so much. Instead of saying, “why? why me God?” I should just stop pointing at myself and turn it all back to Him with, “You! You are good, You are faithful, You provide. It’s all about You!”
Despite how good it all looks on paper and in my mind, we still haven’t seen this house yet. We don’t know if the pictures are an acurate depiction of the house and what we would be getting. Enter the anxiety again. Learning to let go and let God is just so hard sometimes. I can’t help it, my hopes are up! I am excited to see this house. After finding out how close we were to the church and that they have daily mass three times in the week, I said to my husband, “This house is going to have to reeeeeeeeeeeeeally suck for us not to buy it” and I was totally serious. I have a feeling that this Lent is going to give me lots of opportunities to let go of control and anxiety and put my trust and hope in a good God who wants to give our family the gift of a new home, wherever that might be. If you could please pray for us and with us in these weeks to come, and especially tomorrow morning, I would be so grateful.
***As I was just about to publish this post I received a phone call from our realtor. After the crazy storm last night, we have to cancel our viewing of ‘the’ house tomorrow because for the first time since they’ve lived there the roof leaked! They are going to fix it and get back to us about when we can go see the house. Funnily this is not putting me off in the least yet. I still want to see it. We will hopefully be seeing another house during that time tomorrow. Let go and let God seems to be the theme right now!! Please pray for us.****